Touched into Wholeness: My First Tantric Massage and the Healing Power of Karsai Nei Tsang

Dina Hegazi April 6, 2025

How one sensual session helped relieve my period pain, unlock suppressed emotion, and reconnect me to the wisdom of my body.

The Magic of Synchronicity: When Intentions Align with the Universe

In my journey towards healing and self-discovery, I have often found that when I set a clear intention, the universe responds in the most unexpected ways.

It's as if my desires are delivered on a golden platter, orchestrated by the mysterious forces of synchronicity.

This magical alignment has guided me to explore new paths, including the transformative experience of tantric massage, which not only eased my menstrual pain but also reconnected me with the deep wisdom of my body.

A Question in Bed that Unlocked a Door

It started in bed one night. My partner and I were curled up watching "The Empress" series, on Netflix, "The Empress" is a captivating Netflix series that intricately weaves together tales of romance, political intrigue, and opulence, drawing viewers into the lavish world of the Austrian court during the reign of Empress Elisabeth.

Enjoying the easy rhythm of our evening, I turned to my partner and asked a question that had been quietly rising in my body:

“Do you think we’ll ever get bored of each other?”

He smiled, a little caught off guard.

“No… we’re still new. Why? Do you want to sleep with someone else?”

I laughed, but I was serious.

“Not exactly. But I want to explore my body more. To feel what it’s like to be touched differently… by someone else. Maybe even by a woman.”

He paused. Then he said,

“If it’s something you want to explore—with someone you trust, and only with a woman, no men allowed, at least for now—then go ahead. Just let me know.”

I asked him: "How I would go about doing that?" I said, curious about the possibilities.

He chuckled and suggested: "Should I book you a professional escort for your birthday?It's legal in Berlin, and you could just relax and enjoy since there's no expectation on you but to receive pleasure."

We laughed together, but I admitted: "It's not such a bad idea."

We shared a series of intimate conversations that felt like peeling back layers of our souls. These exchanges were deeply personal, filled with honesty and vulnerability, and they touched my heart in profound ways.

Although I choose not to disclose the specifics here, I can say that these talks opened new doors of trust and understanding between us. They were moments of genuine connection that reaffirmed the depth of our relationship and our willingness to explore new dimensions together.

A Stranger at the Door… Who Already Felt Familiar

A few days later, I received a message from a new client.

Client: "Hi! I'd like to book a reading. when are you available and can I pay cash?"

Me: "Hi there! Monday at 2PM. I usually prefer prepayment to confirm the energetic commitment, but cash is fine."

Client: "Thank you! Also, would it be okay if I bring my dog?"

Me: "Absolutely! We’re dog-friendly here. We’d love to meet your furry friend."

Monday came, and as the doorbell rang, a sense of anticipation filled the air. I opened the door to be greeted by a woman with an innocent, soft smile, accompanied by her loyal dog.

"Hi there," I welcomed them warmly. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Water would be great, thank you," she replied, her voice as gentle as her spirits.

I fetched the water, and as I returned, I noticed how at ease she seemed, almost as if she belonged there. Her spirit guides had visited me just ten minutes before her arrival, surrounding the space with roses, paving her path to the reading room.

As we settled in, I began the reading with a profound message. Her eyes widened, and I could see her being deeply moved, her emotions surfacing as she smiled through the tears of happiness.

I continued, "You have a great presence with you, like Mary Magdalene, Isis, and other ascended masters of women of energy. Your guides are highly ascended beings.

You have an incredible healing energy around you and within your hands. Even if you can't feel it yet, the healing is immense. I see you working with your hands and channeling powerful and healing energy through them. What do you do?"

She paused, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "I'm a tantric masseuse," she revealed.

The words hung in the air, resonating with the very essence of what I had sensed. It was as if the universe had orchestrated this meeting, aligning our paths for a reason.

From Forbidden Curiosity to Sacred Healing

I froze—but not from fear. From alignment.

I had just spoken to my partner about this exact topic. And now, this woman was in my home, my reading room, embodying the energy I’d been afraid to explore.

Coming from a cultural and religious background where the word sex is practically a sin, the idea of tantric massage had never crossed my mind as healing. I associated it with eroticism, indulgence—something shameful. But in her presence, it felt… divine.

The Womb Speaks: My Journey with Period Pain

For years, I’ve suffered from unbearable period pain—pain so intense it shoots from my lower back to my brain, leaving me nauseous, dizzy, and immobilized.

Doctors prescribed pills that only masked the symptoms. Hormonal contraceptives numbed me but never healed me. I even tried acupuncture, with little effect.

So when she told me about Karsai Nei Tsang—a form of internal genital massage used in Thai healing to release trauma, stagnation, and blocked blood flow—I felt both fear and hope.

What is Karsai Nei Tsang?

Karsai Nei Tsang is a powerful Taoist bodywork technique that focuses on the pelvic region, including the internal vaginal canal (in women). Practiced with full consent, presence, and sacred intention, it works to:

Improve blood circulation in the uterus and ovaries
Reduce menstrual pain and stagnation
Release emotional trauma stored in the pelvic region
Reawaken sexual energy as a source of healing, not just pleasure

It’s not about arousal. It’s about remembrance.
—of the body’s original intelligence.

Annika’s Journey and Expertise

Then I asked Annika, "What do you exactly do?" and she explained that she is a Sexological Bodyworker, she guides curious individuals of all genders in exploring their sensual embodiment.

Her approach is rooted in the transformative power of touch, focusing on the therapeutic benefits of tantric massage to relieve menstrual cramps and alleviate menstrual pain.

Her sessions are crafted to enhance blood flow, reduce pain intensity, and unlock emotional blockages stored within the pelvic region.

Her nurturing touch and profound understanding of the body's energy channels offer a holistic path to managing pain and embracing the body's innate wisdom.

Curious? Here is her social profile https://www.instagram.com/sensual.touch.berlin/

The Vegan Transformation

Before my tantric session, Annika and I began chatting on Telegram, where she shared her healing journey with a gentle and beautiful approach.

Her story of overcoming constant pain by changing her lifestyle, diet, and relationship with her body inspired me.

Annika's messages, filled with kindness rather than dogma, convinced me to try veganism—not just for the animals, but to ease my own menstrual pain.

I had always received guidance to stop smoking and go vegan, but never followed it. Her experience of how veganism alleviated her menstrual pain and transformed her life, training, and mood motivated me to embrace this change. So I turned vegan!

The First Session: When Hands Become Medicine

Two weeks before our session, I started embraced the vegan lifestyle, opening a new chapter in managing pain and treating menstrual symptoms.

When I arrived for my first session with Annika, I was nervous but ready. She welcomed me with tea and calm presence. As she massaged my legs and thighs, she explained with the insight of a tantric masseuse what each movement was intended to do.

Her hands moved with a gentle rhythm, designed to enhance blood flow and release tension. When it came time to touch the most sensitive area—the clitoris, vagina, pelvic floor muscles, G-spot, and the ovaries—she explained softly what each area was and how they affect our mood and energy.

Understanding the Female Body: Clitoris, Vagina, and the Power of Healing Touch

This gentle guidance was an integral part of the process, helping me to understand the profound connection between these physical areas and the emotional and energetic states they influence.

The pelvic floor muscles, for instance, are crucial in supporting the reproductive organs and play a significant role in sexual function and sensation. By releasing tension in these muscles, one can experience a reduction in menstrual cramp pain and improved blood circulation.

The G-spot, a sensitive area within the vaginal canal, is often associated with pleasure but also holds the potential for emotional release and healing. Its stimulation can lead to a cathartic experience, releasing built-up emotional tension and promoting a sense of well-being.

Meanwhile, the ovaries, though not directly touched, are acknowledged in this healing practice for their role in hormonal balance and emotional health.

Understanding these connections allows one to tap into a deeper level of self-awareness and healing, addressing not just the physical symptoms of menstrual pain but also the emotional and energetic blockages that may contribute to it.

Karsai Nei Tsang or yoni massage - The gateways of emotion, memory, and energy.

When we talk about sensual or tantric healing, especially in the context of practices like Karsai Nei Tsang or yoni massage, it's important to understand the anatomy—not just as physical parts, but as gateways of emotion, memory, and energy.

1. The Clitoris (Clit)

The clitoris is much more than a "button" at the top of the vulva—it’s actually an internal structure shaped like a wishbone.
It has over 8,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive part of the female body.
Its only biological function is pleasure—yet energetically, it's also a center of aliveness, creative energy, and emotional release.
In tantric work, the clitoris can be stimulated softly or energetically acknowledged, helping women reconnect with joy and vitality—without pressure to orgasm.

2. The Vagina (Yoni)

The vagina is the internal muscular canal that connects the vulva to the cervix.
It’s incredibly responsive and sensitive, capable of storing emotional memories, trauma, and tension.
In Karsai Nei Tsang or internal yoni massage, the practitioner may gently massage:
- Pelvic floor muscles to release tension
- G-spot (an area on the upper front wall of the vagina) to access deep emotions
- Ovaries or cervix energetically, though they aren’t always touched directly

Energetic Meaning in Tantric Work

The yoni (Sanskrit word for the entire sacred feminine region) is seen as a portal of life, transformation, and power.
When touched with sacred intention—not for pleasure, but for healing—the clitoris and vagina can unlock stored grief, pain, numbness, and even awaken dormant pleasure as a form of medicine.

Most women are only ever touched for sex, reproduction, or medical reasons.
But being touched with presence, consent, and intention to heal can completely transform a woman’s relationship with her body.

It’s not about eroticism. It’s about remembrance.

That the female or male sexual organs are not only to be desired—but deeply worthy of care, reverence, and release.

Embracing Relief Through Sacred Connection

She inserted her fingers with care and reverence, guiding me with words like:

“This is your cervix… this is your G-spot… this is your pelvic…”

Her voice was motherly. Her touch was sacred.

And I cried.

That first session happened two days before my period—usually the beginning of my personal hell. I still took a painkiller that night, out of habit. But the pain? Softer.

Why Am I Crying? A Message From My Guides on Hidden Wounds and Sexual Awakening

When I later asked my spirits guides, “Why did I cry?”

They answered:

“The first person who ever activated your sexual energy… was a woman.

She was an older friend—gentle, curious.
She showed you how to touch her, and how to touch others.

You were still before puberty. Your body was quiet. Not yet fully awake.
It felt innocent. Like play.

We don’t label it as right or wrong. We label it sexual activation.
But in this society, such moments are called sexual molestation.
And because of that label, you’ve felt unsafe to ever speak it aloud.

But the truth is: You felt connection.

And in a home full of violence, this was one of the few moments of peace—of tenderness, of attention, of intensity in your body.

What feels more harmful: Being hit and screamed at daily by your parents? Or having a familiar face gently activate your feelings of touch, desire, and sensual curiosity—even if it came too early?

Each experience leaves an energetic imprint in the body.”

This moment didn’t just pass—it anchored itself in your ovaries. It stayed.

The emotional residue became shameful, hidden, pushed into the blind spots of your consciousness.

Stored like a trauma imprint, tucked into the fascia, the womb space, and the nervous system."

Healing stored trauma, womb memory, and body wisdom

As Louise Hay teaches in You Can Heal Your Life, the female reproductive system often holds pain from shame, guilt, fear, and unresolved emotional tension.
And in The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk reminds us:

“Trauma is not the story of something that happened in the past.
It’s the current imprint of that pain on mind, brain, and body.”

I asked my guides again: "So Am I attracted to women?"

They said:

"You are not romantically attracted to women. You’ve always enjoyed sex with men.

This wasn’t about orientation—it was about touch, energy, memory, and nervous system imprinting.

When you consciously allowed a woman— Annika, this time a tantric bodyworker—to touch you again in the same place, it was different.

This time, you gave consent.

This time, you did it for healing, not confusion.

This time, you were a grown woman, choosing to reclaim that energy and explore your sacred feminine body on your own terms.

And yet… something was stirred.

It’s like that original wound was reopened, revisited, and re-experienced—but through a different lens.

You didn’t know what energetic consequences would be stirred by going there again.
But you trusted. You allowed it.

Because some healing requires going all the way in—to the memory, to the body, to the place where it all began."

Oh, wait—that's profound! I realized I needed more explanation, so I began delving into the concept of sexual activation through the works of Dion Fortune, particularly her insights on sexual energy as a sacred and evolutionary force.

Sexual Activation, Power, and the Body: A Deeper View through Dion Fortune

Sex, at its core, is not just physical—it is energetic, emotional, and deeply psychospiritual.

There is often a power dynamic within sex. Even between loving partners, there’s usually an interplay of dominance and submission, giving and receiving.

This is not inherently unhealthy—in fact, it can be sacred when entered consciously.

But in modern society, we often reduce sex to pleasure or reproduction, forgetting that it's a portal of transformation, just like birth, death, or spiritual awakening.

“With sex, one has to be submissive to the other. There is always a power game in sex—even between partners. Sex has different dimensions. But the first real one is the body orgasm.”

The first level of sexual experience is biological: the body’s orgasm, the release of built-up tension, the stimulation of nerves, hormones, and the nervous system.

But it is only the beginning.

Dion Fortune, in her work on sexual energy, describes this first level as the “physical plane manifestation” of sex. But she also speaks of sex as a cosmic force, capable of awakening kundalini, initiating psychic opening, and transforming consciousness when treated with reverence.

Children and Sexual Energy Awareness

Dion Fortune writes about sexual curiosity in children not with judgment, but with a mystical lens. She believed that sexual energy is the most powerful force in the human body, and like all powerful energies, it emerges gradually—often before the intellect or emotions are fully equipped to understand it.

Children, she says, do not “experience sexuality” as adults do—but they explore the energy of the body, and that includes touching, sensation, curiosity, and even feelings of pleasure.

This does not mean they are sexual in an adult sense. Rather, they are beginning to map their own energetic system, to feel what it means to be in a body. They are exploring polarity, presence, and touch.

And in her view, shaming this exploration creates lasting damage.

“The greatest danger lies not in the exploration, but in the shame and repression that follows it.”

— Dion Fortune, paraphrased from Esoteric Philosophy of Love and Marriage https://archive.org/details/esotericphilosop00dion

When Sexual Curiosity Is Met with Shame

When a child’s natural curiosity is punished, judged, or moralized, the body begins to carry the belief:

“Pleasure is bad.”
“Touch is dangerous.”
“Desire makes me dirty.”
“My body is not safe.”

This splits the body from the soul. And as adults, many of us then spend years trying to reclaim our innocence, our right to feel, and our capacity for pleasure without guilt.

This is why so many healing modalities today—like somatic therapy, tantric bodywork, yoni mapping, and even psychedelic journeys—are about returning us to the body, with gentleness and reverence.

Final Reflection: Orgasm Is Only the Door

The first real layer of sex is the body orgasm. But that’s only the entry point.

Beyond it lies:

Emotional vulnerability
Energetic merging
Power surrender and reclamation
Spiritual union
Cosmic awareness
Conscious evolution

Sex can be a game of power—or a dance of consciousness.

As Dion Fortune would put it:

“When sex is governed by the soul, it becomes a force of spiritual union. When it is governed by fear or shame, it becomes a wound.”

Understanding Early Sexual Activation: What Dion Fortune’s Teachings Reveal about Healing and Energy Imprints

An educational reflection on childhood touch, power, and sacred energy from a healing perspective

When exploring the topic of early sexual activation—especially when it involves a child being touched by an adult—it’s important to approach the subject with both clarity and compassion.

The Awakening of Sexual Energy in Childhood

Dion Fortune acknowledged that sexual energy is the most potent force in the human body. She understood that this energy, also known as libido or life force, begins to stir even before puberty. In children, this might emerge as:

Curiosity about their own bodies
Exploration of sensation
Innocent interest in touch and connection

Importantly, Fortune never framed this as “sexuality” in the adult sense. She viewed it as the beginning of the soul incarnating more deeply into the body—a natural part of energetic development.

In her view, the danger lies not in the child’s curiosity, but in the way society shames, suppresses, or distorts it.

When an Adult Crosses a Boundary

Despite her mystical framing, Dion Fortune’s teachings strongly emphasize the sacred responsibility of those who wield power—especially spiritual, psychic, or sexual power. Any adult-initiated sexual contact with a child is a violation, both ethically and energetically.

Children are:

Energetically open
Emotionally unformed
Spiritually sensitive
Unable to give true, informed consent

Even if the child felt “safe” or experienced physical pleasure, it does not make the experience acceptable or harmless.

-In fact, what may feel pleasant to the body can still feel confusing or unsafe to the psyche and soul.

From a healing perspective, this creates what trauma experts now call:

Somatic imprinting
Body-memory wounds
Energetic scars stored in the womb, pelvis, or nervous system.
In men, these energetic imprints can be stored in areas such as the prostate, lower back, and pelvic floor muscles.

A Healing View: From Violation to Conscious Reclamation

In these cases, healing does not come from relabeling the past—it comes from understanding how the body responded, and giving yourself space to grieve, to feel, and to reclaim your sovereignty.

Later in life, some people may choose to revisit these body areas through somatic therapy, tantric bodywork, or sacred healing sessions—not to repeat the past, but to transform the energy and write a new story in the tissue.

This is not re-traumatization. It’s sacred reclamation.

Final Reflection: What Would Dion Fortune Say?

While she didn’t address child abuse explicitly, Dion Fortune was a fierce advocate for the responsible, soul-aligned use of sexual energy.

She believed that when sexual energy is governed by the soul, it becomes a force of healing, love, and awakening.

But when it is governed by unconsciousness or ego, it becomes a source of deep karmic wounding.

And so, if your first experience of activation left confusion, pain, or hidden emotion—you have every right to speak it, feel it, and heal it.

Your body remembers.
Your soul witnesses.
And your healing is holy.

Pain, Softened. Period, Transformed.

This explanation aligned perfectly with my guides' words! Back to my journey with Annika, three weeks later, I scheduled another session, once again timing it two days before my period began.

My period came early—lighter than usual. She began working on pressure points, meridians, and gently massaging the internal pathways of my womb. Her touch was gentle yet purposeful, focusing on areas that are often neglected in conventional treatments for menstrual pain.

During the session, I could feel the tension in my pelvic region slowly dissipating, replaced by a soothing warmth that spread throughout my lower abdomen.

The massage techniques she employed were specifically designed to enhance blood flow and reduce pain intensity, addressing the root causes of my menstrual cramping rather than just the symptoms.

That night, I collapsed into the deepest sleep I’d had in weeks. It was as if my body was finally able to relax and let go of the chronic discomfort that had plagued me for so long.

The next day—the worst day of my cycle—I took only two painkillers. Normally, I take up to ten. I was in awe wow moment! Could this… be working?

The Body Remembers What the Mind Forgot

This experience was a revelation, showing me the potential of alternative healing methods in treating menstrual pain associated with traumatic events of childhood.

Only when you are truly ready can you embrace alternative healing methods and revisit the pain with a different consciousness, as sometimes the body is too exhausted and requires medical intervention.

The session not only alleviated my physical symptoms but also fostered a deeper connection with my body, allowing me to embrace my menstrual cycle as a natural and manageable part of my life.

This wasn’t just a massage. It was a return to myself. A reconnection with the truth that my body is not just a thing to be f***ed or fixed—it is a sacred vessel for sensation, healing, and wisdom.

What I Learned from Being Touched by Another Woman

There was no lust. No shame. No goal. Just a softness I didn’t know I needed.
A gentleness that rewired the way I think about being touched—by anyone.

Being held and massaged by a woman helped me realize how much my body had yearned for nurturing without performance. Sensuality without sex. Energy without expectation.

Final Reflections: Healing is Not Linear. But It is Possible.

I haven’t explored sensual massage for pleasure yet—but I will.
Because now I know what’s possible.

And I know this:

Your body is not broken.
Your womb is not a problem to medicate.
Your pain is a signal—not just of what's wrong, but of what’s ready to be released.

For Anyone Wondering… Should I Try Tantric Massage?

If you feel the call to explore your body, not through lust, but through love—do it.
If you’re holding pain in your pelvis, womb, or heart—consider it.

And if you're afraid—good. That means you’re close to something powerful.

Annika became one of Conscious University's recommended practitioners https://www.conscious.university/practitioners.

She is part of our journey, and I can't recommend her enough.

I trusted the signs. I followed the whispers. And my body is thanking me.